In today’s episode Marianne Smith, the “entrepreneurs therapist”, shares how your business can trigger unprocessed traumas in your life.
It’s too easy to make your success in business say a lot about your success as a person! In today’s episode Marianne Smith, the “entrepreneurs therapist”, shares how your business can trigger unprocessed traumas in your life. She shares the danger of not supporting yourself and finding self-compassion as an entrepreneur. In her work Marianne sees lots of business owners in reaction mode, creating codependent relationships with their teams and losing their identity as a person outside of business. She share the big themes she identifies as harmful in the social media world and shares strategies to take care of yourself in the world of entrepreneurship.
In this episode we chat about:
Triggers to look out for.
Fear as an entrepreneur.
What does “reactive” business look like?
Dealing with inconsistency.
And so much more!
Connect with Marianne here:
(02:54) How business can be triggering for people, bring up unprocessed trauma, anxiety and negative self talk.
(09:00) Overcoming judgement, being watched and fear as an entrepreneur.
(14:50) Finding your identity in your business and the unhealthy attachment.
(18:00) How your reactive mode in your business reflects in your relationships.
(19:22) How to notice a “reactive mode” business, codependency in teams
(25:12) Unhealthy themes that are prevalent in the social media world - posturing, fear and inauthentic connection.
(26:35) Seeking integrity on social media and you’re not obligated to share your pain.
(29:45) The unexpected life of an entrepreneur.
(34:09) The lie of consistent income in business.
(36:20) Strategies for avoiding comparison on social media.
(38:28) Self-compassion to heal yourself in business.
people, business, coaching, entrepreneurs, marianne, feel, relationships, talking, happening, conversations, money, online, high performers, social media, important, oftentimes, messages, month, triggering, hit
Marianne Smith, Paula Shepherd
Paula Shepherd 00:01
Hi, I'm Paula Shepherd, I went to college to get a good job and make a lot of money. Back then, no one talked about doing what you love. And while I successfully climbed the corporate ladder, I felt like there was something missing. So I left the seemingly comfortable corporate world at 40 years old for the freedom of full time entrepreneurship. Today, I get to help ambitious women go from entrepreneur to competent CEO of their lives and businesses. I created this podcast to share what I've learned with you to make your journey just a little easier, and to connect you with other incredible business owners who took a chance on themselves and who they are becoming. So whether you're just getting started, are all in or just when you hear friendly voice. Come on in and sit with us. Now, let's dive in.
Paula Shepherd 01:04
Hey, everybody, welcome to another episode of The confidence sessions today. I have with me, the entrepreneurs therapist, no other than the amazing Mary Ann Smith, she has been a therapist for almost 30 years. She's been coaching online for two. And she has built and scaled to six figure businesses, we have some great conversation that's going to happen today around your business in ways that you have never heard or talked about before. So welcome to the confidence sessions. MaryAnne.
Marianne Smith 01:36
I'm so excited to be here. Paula, I just adore you. And I'm so happy to be here with you.
Paula Shepherd 01:42
I love that you're here to we have so many conversations in DMS. And I love how I just I mean, I think I came to you one day and said You are one of those people that I I intentionally seek out when I'm on social media to see what did Marianne say today? Because a lot of what you say is so most of what you say is on target and just really hits me in the values.
Marianne Smith 02:08
Oh, wow, that's that's a huge man. That's a really huge compliment.
Paula Shepherd 02:14
Well, I need it, I definitely mean it. And I hope that everybody goes and follows you. But I want to talk about some things that we were having conversations with about before we hit record. In fact, we were talking for so long, and I thought there's a lot of conversation that we need to have here where other people can hear it. So the number one thing, and the theme was how triggering business can be and how dis regulating it could be. And I want to love for you to shed a little light on what you see happening in the space around business and in what ways it's triggering for people. Yeah,
Marianne Smith 02:51
so you know, it's interesting. Speaking, just from my perspective, you know, I had an offline business, I had a therapy practice for 10 years, and had to do but I didn't take insurance. So I did have to do some marketing, those kinds of things. But I did have to be visible in the same way that you need to be visible in an online coaching consulting expert business. Right. So um, for me, it I think it's so triggering and it's triggering in a lot of ways, right? So there's a lot of pressure to learn sales, learn marketing, bringing money for your business, so you can bring in money for your families. I think there's a lot of really honestly pretty let's, shall we say bullshit marketing the lifestyle of an online business but isn't does not you know, reality oftentimes isn't sexy, right? And I've actually been coaching for five years and I just I the it's not common to just jump online and become like a six figure online what? That
Paula Shepherd 04:18
you're kidding me. But the internet says otherwise.
Marianne Smith 04:25
Yes, then then that's not like sexy, right? You want to hear people want to hear like it's easy and be working from anywhere you want in the whole world. And, you know, I think a lot more people are getting wise to Yeah, that's just kind of not how it works. And it's not how business works in general. Like you have to like it's it's fun. You got to lay the foundation and it's incremental and and so I think in so many ways if we we all have trauma we all I have unprocessed trauma. And I think in a an in an environment where you have to be visible, you have to be overconfident about your offers, you have to be over overconfident about who you are, um, you oftentimes most of us have to learn all these new skills like sales, how to have sales calls, how to set your prices in a way that, that that makes sense for you, but also like feels good to you. Oftentimes, the advice out there is like, just raise your prices. Well, it's not that easy. And there's a lot that business coaching just really doesn't cover. So all these sort of old messages from old on unprocessed traumas come up, I'm not good enough. I can't do this, the imposter syndrome, all of that stuff, all that anxiety. It's actually pretty, pretty normal. And it but it does, the way I conceptualise it as a trauma therapist is that it really is all unprocessed trauma. So we're constantly being triggered, and we don't feel safe, we don't feel safe in our bodies, we often times we're totally disconnected from you know, our bodies, and we don't really know why we feel so dysregulated all the time, if we even know what that means. So I think there's so much about an online business in particular. And also Paula, I was listening to something the other day that was talking about or some like book on tape or something audible or something. And it was talking about, you know, social media is actually very, its very existence is to create FOMO. And for people to feel the gap. So the gap between where they are and where they want to go, because that gap makes people buy stuff.
Paula Shepherd 07:20
Well, you're essentially, I always say you're curating either your dream or your nightmare by the people that you surround yourself with. So if you are looking at people and they say I'm making 20k a month, or I'm making 10k a month, and it's my third month, and I can teach you how to do this in 90 days, and all they see is basically being barraged with that propaganda and that marketing, because that's essentially what it is, you start, you start to see no other option except for that. Whereas if you can be really selective about the people that you're following, and following the people that they're following, and just making sure that everyone is kind of aligned in the same values, what you see is much different. So I totally agree with what you're saying. Because most people wind up perpetuating their own nightmare. And then they can't figure out why why that's not working for them, and why they don't see it. But most of what we see isn't real anyway.
Marianne Smith 08:18
So not real.
Paula Shepherd 08:22
Yeah. And I don't want to say not real because someone maybe isn't making money that they're proclaiming to make. I'm not saying don't celebrate money, or any of those things, but because we are whole people when we are running businesses, we need to remind ourselves that we're human first that we have to feel, you know, what does it look like to take care of ourselves when we feel like we're going to crawl out of our skin? Because we we need to send that next email or we have to talk to more people because we haven't hit our goal figure revenue number for the month.
Marianne Smith 08:56
Yeah, and of course, you're going to naturally compare yourself to other messages that you see online. And entrepreneurs tend to be a little bit crazy, like, like work, like, like, why don't we just go get jobs and get like paid vacation and you know, four weeks off or whatever. And, and I think that that we are we tend to be like very high performing people. Like we have we strive we want we want to do it our way. We we are always raising the bar higher and higher. Which creates is a really great recipe for burnout because really, oftentimes we're chasing that because of it's because of experiences what I just talked about myself here. Okay, so I grew up in a very critical family. My dad is a minister and he's a narcissist. And that created two things for me is very critical. I grew up in a fishbowl Minister's family, if any of you out there are Piquet's, you know what that's like, His Church was huge. And everybody was always watching me and critiquing me and at home, he, it was never enough. Like he was always so obsessed with how his family appeared to other people. He was abusive, emotionally, sometimes physically. So I grew up feeling i didn't i My dream was to be like invisible. That is like, Oh, well, that is the opposite of what you need to be in an online business. Right? Like, I didn't want to Tech because I got attention. All kinds of attention growing up, you know, and I didn't, I didn't want that. Like, I didn't want that at all. It made me really uncomfortable. My dad would literally, like, be up on his pulpit on Sunday morning, like, sharing stories about his family that were like, a lot of times are kind of embarrassing. You know what I mean? Wow. So, so like, all that, for me is, like I I used to not like I it's changed, I've moved through a lot of it, but the healing never really ends, right. It's very, it's, it's scary for me still a little bit to be on video, too. I'm like, always, I'm always kind of like, trying to turn off the the critical voice in my head. You know. And I think a lot of a lot of us have experiences that really, there's a lot of fear that have created a lot of fear. You know, and, and how do you show up in like, we talk a lot about failing forward? Well, for a lot of people that literally feels unsafe,
Paula Shepherd 12:25
feels like death, right? Like, that's your that's your basically your Deathwish
Marianne Smith 12:30
Yeah, it and so, and spending, you know, spending money. There's a lot of there are a lot of messages around, you know, like, if you're a certain kind of client, you'll be willing to invest and ask no questions and
Paula Shepherd 12:49
trust, just trust and just don't get the money will come to you. And
Marianne Smith 12:55
yeah, yeah, yeah, and these are really kind of dangerous messages. But, you know, we're so I guess when I'm, I'm talking about a couple different things here. But when everything is on us, it can be triggering, when we're doing things that really feel extremely scary in our bodies, even though obviously or like, you know, like, I knew if I got a video, I wasn't gonna die, but it actually did feel like it. Yeah. Um, the fear around like, what if I can't make this work? What do I do then? It's just, there's a lot of responsibility and having your own business. And the reality is, most businesses don't make it. And I think it's, I think it's funny that there's all this messaging on social media to create the gap about all these coaches who are just making $100,000 months and more, when actually in reality, a very small number of coaches very small, make that amount of money so it's like, but people high performers put a lot of pressure on themselves to do that. Right but we don't know the whole story number one, right. Right. And you know, we also need to have a balanced lives as well. And, you know, pay attention to our relationships have separate downtime away from our businesses. There's a lot of codependency that exists with entrepreneurs and their businesses. A lot of like, over Attachment A lot of like, my business is me.
Paula Shepherd 14:59
Yeah, my biz This fails, what does that say about me as a person? I will say I've I mean, I've only been in business for I don't you use yourself as an example. But I mean, I think this is a great like, kind of vulnerability check for myself. And, you know, over the course of not quite two years, full time, so July will be, you know, two years full time. And it wasn't until I had some conversations with people that I respected, that when I told them, Well, I've only done this, I've only done this, I only made this much money. And, and let's be clear, like it's, and I say this for perspective, it's close to $300,000. Right? It to me, that wasn't enough. Like, that wasn't enough, I wasn't, every single month, I wasn't making more money, what happened if one month I hit this big number, and then the next month, it was, you know, $6,000 When I was at 20, and I would make that mean something about me? Like, why am I not having, quote, consistent months? And what did I make that mean about myself and did I need to do more, be more, and there was really kind of an unhealthy attachment. And also, this proclamation of I'm the breadwinner, I was always the breadwinner, I it's my responsibility to take care of all the bills and all of the family and this like grind to hurry up and, and scale my business in a way that honestly, I did not realise was not normal. I assumed that the people that I was seeing, we're seeing online, were all really far ahead of me. And very quickly, I realised people that I saw as my mentors, were suddenly people that were asking me to support them, and or we were showing up in the same spaces together. And I didn't really feel like I even then deserved it. Because, you know, they were in business for 10 years or six years. And here, I was kind of just starting. And there's definitely that I don't know that it ever doesn't ever go away, really. Because I don't think that it's all mindset, which is another thing I want to chat with you about. But I also think that if we don't recognise it, it is very easy for us to start making what we, who we are, and and what we feel like our worth is based on the revenue that's coming into our business, or the number of people that say yes to us, right? Like, what is a successful day look like?
Marianne Smith 17:28
Yeah, yeah, totally. Um, it's like with anything else, like, you know, if you if you don't, if we don't start off, I think intentions are very powerful. And certainly they can change. But if we don't start off with a very clear intention, we can very quickly get into reactive mode in our businesses. And it's an if, and it's funny, because if you look at it from like a 30,000 foot view, you will probably see, if you are in more of a reactive state with your business, which a lot of people are, you are probably in reactive relationships to like we really, I really am a firm believer that we don't have to go down this rabbit hole, but it's just something for people to think about. I am a firm believer that the way we do one thing is the way we do all things. Me too. Yeah. And I talked to so many entrepreneurs who, and I can give you an example of myself, that what happens in our personal lives and in our relationships, how we show up for them, and in them and with them is directly mirrored in the way that how our relationship is with our businesses. And I just see it over and over again. I mean, it's just
Paula Shepherd 19:10
what is like a react if you had to describe what a really reactive relationship look like. So people could kind of self identify here and go like, okay, that's something I need to work on. What What would that look like?
Marianne Smith 19:22
I mean, really kind of exactly what you described, like, like, you start like, like you said, you were making money, and then you were kind of pulled along like it was good when you're making money. And then if you made like, if you weren't having consistent months, you started making that mean something about you, and then you'd start at like with the anxiety and really it's like a roller coaster of emotion all the time. and not feeling like having like, in, okay, so it really it's called an internal locus of control, like an internal stability versus like, reacting to what's going on outside of us. It's much like the difference between anxiety and stress. Anxiety is an internal experience. Stress is more of a reaction to what's going on outside of ourselves. So if we're constantly being pulled along by, you know, like, the great month that we had, and the thing is never, it's never good enough anyways, so I was talking to an entrepreneur a couple months ago, and she kept telling me, she had a failed launch. Well, when I started asking her more questions, I soon discovered that for her, like, it's all relative to like, for her the failed launch, it was still a multi six figure launch, which to most coaches will be a very successful launch, but it wasn't to her. And, you know, she's a multi seven figure coach, and it wasn't good enough. And the thing is, when I start talking to some of these entrepreneurs, it the message is very clear, actually, it's never good enough. So they're constantly reacting to their stories, really, to what's happening outside of themselves in their businesses, and the stories that they tell themselves what they make those things mean. And oftentimes, you'll see, like a codependency kinda with their teams. Like, they're like they're in this leadership role, but they really don't know, they're really uncomfortable in that role. And they really don't know how to be effective leaders, which, I mean, being an effective leader is actually a skill. It didn't it is definitely an I don't think most of us aren't, like born knowing how to be effective leaders. And so there's all this like, overwhelm. So there's all this sort of like reacting constantly to what, what Joey's doing on your team, and how much your your sales person brought in that week. And, oh, shit, it's the end of the month, and we haven't met our KPIs yet. And blah, blah, blah, you know, it's like, the constant, like, changing of your mood based on outside factors.
Paula Shepherd 22:53
Oh, my gosh, yeah. But I think I think then on those low moments, I know a lot of people that would then turn to social media, right? Because now you're numbing yourself. And so not only do you already feel really bad about yourself, but now you're looking externally for something. And what you find are all of these messages that are saying, Oh, look at me, and I'm so amazing, and everything's great. But there's no one really talking about the rough stuff. Because at the end of the day, I take a really holistic view of business, right? You're a poor person first. And I don't ever, like your business isn't even an appendage. Right? Like, it's like a coat you can take on and off. That's how it should be. It shouldn't be something that's attached to you. And, and so we were talking about before we started recording about when something really big happens in your life. And so let's say you're running this business team or not, right, because either way, they're you know, you've got some some stressors and some challenges, but you have this business that you're running. And all this something, something made some sudden English Paula, something major happens and what the heck, I can't even speak and like blah, blah. But let's say it's all of a sudden you, your spouse asks for a divorce or, you know, something happens with your child or, you know, your spouse loses their job. And like all all of the things change around you. How do you continue to show up? Well, I know what most people do, but how do you continue to show up in a space in a business that is reliant on you to do the marketing, do the sales do all the things in order to be able to serve the clients really well? And meanwhile, you've got all of this kind of chaos happening in the undercurrent? How do you show up and serve? And like what what are you seeing online? I know you're, you've had conversations with people we've had conversations about what this looks like. And you know, our own personal personal endeavours and things that and when ways that we've handled it but like What do you see that people are not doing well, and acknowledging their own humaneness?
Marianne Smith 25:07
What are they not doing? Well,
Paula Shepherd 25:08
what are they not doing well, for what you're seeing and those that you're talking to?
Marianne Smith 25:13
I mean, I hate to kinda like, judge it in that way. I think that there's, there's just, it's, there's a lot of posturing, right. There's a lot of
Marianne Smith 25:34
social media is weird, man, like, I didn't grow up with it. I didn't even grow up with the Internet. And there's just so much we talk a lot about being authentic. But most of us aren't really being authentic. Because it's scare is like it this is such a big topic, because I think that it's extremely terrifying to first of all, like, who really wants to go on social media and like, if something bad happens in your family, that's kinda like, the last thing that I want to be doing is going on there and telling everybody what's going on. Um, but I do think that there could be more transparency and integrity.
Paula Shepherd 26:30
Yeah. And not transparency, you mean in the way where you're using it like, Dear Diary, let me just tell you what happened today. But more in the integrity maybe after processing like, this is what is actually going on, or this is how I was actually feeling. I mean, I do that sometimes not to the extreme. But I think it's important for people to understand, hey, I was, I was getting caught up in my own, I don't have enoughness, you know, or I'm not enough. And I think it's important for people to be able to relate in that way. But I'm wondering, like, what is the? Like, what is the safe blend between sharing with integrity? And oversharing?
Marianne Smith 27:09
I don't know. Where was that? I mean, I don't think there is I you know, and also people aren't obligated to share their pain either, um, you know, like, share what you what you think is relevant, what you think is important. Um, I just went through a really, really hard three years, in my marriage, and through addiction, not my own my husband, ex husbands. And, and, and, you know, like, I was not good. I mean, I have posted a few things about it. But, you know, it's, it's really raw, it's really, it was really traumatic, it, you know, I can start thinking now in terms of what the lessons were there. And I'm not saying like people need, I think people need to be doing that all the time. And if they're not, they're not being authentic. I think that relationship relationships are not put as important as really, they they are in business, I think that this work that we do online behind the screen, is can be pretty isolating. And I think that we could be mentoring each other a lot more. And gather each other a lot more grace, actually. And, and I don't, I think everybody's just kind of doing the best they can. And everybody what I see a lot of is posturing, really around money. And you know, the quantum leaps and the, to me, like just stuff that doesn't really say anything, and I think it creates a lot of FOMO especially in kinda like newer online coaches, and they don't quite understand and a lot of people have never had a business before so they don't really have like, you know, like, so a lot of shifts that need to happen when you as you know, many Yeah, like when I moved from being an employee to having my own business, it was like, I I had no idea what was happening.
Paula Shepherd 29:53
Well, nobody's checking on you anymore. There's no There's no structure. I mean, as much as it sucked to just drive into the Office and then go sit in my office and I had other people around me that were kind of built in that I could have conversations with. I think there were relationships there, there were relationships with my client, you know, our customers in there, I just, but we knew what to expect, right? Even if we knew like, they're gonna have a meeting to talk about a meeting schedule another meeting, like we just kind of knew that that was what's going to happen. And then every other week, we were getting our paycheck, and we would drive home and the traffic or whatever, and I knew what to expect. But as an entrepreneur, you don't know what to expect, like, every day doesn't look the same. If you can't figure out where your strengths lie, or you're not willing to have conversations with people, especially when you first get started. And I think we've talked about this before, when you first get started, if you can't have a relationship with somebody, if your idea of a relationship is I'm going to post something, and everyone is going to love it. And I am going to psychologically manipulate their subconscious, so that they all want to come and have a conversation with me. And I won't talk to anyone until they come into my DMs that is not going to get you very far in life or business and the people that you see making a lot of money now, right, like, let's say that that's happening for them. They didn't post once they had some kind of a following from somewhere else, they knew somebody, there was some proximity there, somebody else introduced them to somebody, it was it was just not a I posted something. And magically, everybody thought that I was amazing. And it was because of this one post or this kind of post or the way I write this thing or the way I show up on video. That's not it, there's, it's goes so much deeper than that. And I love I really love your like the way that you inspire people to be a bit more curious in their observations of what they're seeing from their own lens when they get on social media.
Marianne Smith 31:56
Thank you, I'm naturally very, I'm like, I'm a critical thinker. And I like to like, assess, and evaluate kinda like what's going on. I've always been that way. And it's not like right or wrong, like everybody is really just kind of doing their thing. And, and but for me, I know and I, and I think it's really important to reach out and intention be intentional about creating relationships, which is, that's also a skill to a lot of people do not feel comfortable doing that. They don't know how to do it. But it's really, really important because, like, I don't really know how I would have gotten through all the stuff with my ex husband, if it wouldn't have been from my coach Jackie, like, there. There have been many times when I was on a call with her. And I was just like, Dude, I don't, I don't know, this is my entire life is falling apart. Like I have these two businesses, I need to keep running. I have two kids, I have two dogs and you know, I don't even know what to do. I'm and you know, I just like cry. And, and it's so important to have those kinds of relationships, where you can be yourself and be vulnerable and ask for help. And because nobody nobody nobody is without suffering without challenge without pain without. On the roller coaster. I think one of the one of the biggest misconceptions about having your own business is that it's always going to be like consistent revenue.
Paula Shepherd 34:02
It's a lie. And nobody told me that because I thought, Wait, once you hit a 10k month, aren't you supposed to consistently hit a 10k month? And then Aren't you supposed to jump to 20k and consistently hit that? It's like, the bar keeps getting raised, which is really dangerous for high achieving people.
Marianne Smith 34:17
Yeah. Yep. And like that, that person I that coach I was talking to a couple months ago. It's like, oh, the bar just keeps getting raised higher and higher and higher. And actually, the fear that we often feel, as I said earlier, is really related to unprocessed trauma. So like that fear like oh my god, I'm going to make one decision and it's all going to fall apart. Or if I don't you have another like multi six figure launch. I'm gonna have to fire my team and what's going to happen? It's like, wait, what? Multi six figures is more than, like the average American makes in 10 years. Hi, no. So like, let's like recalibrate a little bit and look at where the sphere is coming from. Because if that doesn't kind of get addressed at the root, you're just going to continue in this reactive mode based on that your numbers.
Paula Shepherd 35:32
It's so true. It's so true. I think that there's a it is I think the numbers are a big thing. Okay. So how do people, what would you recommend somebody is getting caught up? They're on social media, or in other places, right? And they keep hearing people or they're imagining that these people based on they see a really pretty website, and they're like, that person works with says they work with seven figure earners. Okay? How do you get people to kind of get back to themselves? And stop looking at other people? Do you have some kind of strategy that you? Yeah, cuz that's a very typical thing. And I kind of tell people, yes, put your blinders on. But also, there's some other strategies, and I just would love to know what you how you would support and coach somebody through something like that. I mean,
Marianne Smith 36:21
so there's this amazing Chrome extension called newsfeed Eradicator.
Paula Shepherd 36:27
I said, I know what it is, yeah, yes, it's
Marianne Smith 36:30
a beautiful thing, I wouldn't even start, I would totally stay off, if you're like, in that place, I would totally stay off social media, like put your self in a social media timeout. And, like, your business is not going to fall apart if you take off a few days of social, or just go on there for like, five minutes to post something and then get off. And I just, I think that as much as you can really become more of an observer of your thinking, the better off you're going to be. So that and that's a skill also, that's like a, you know, rather than being an observer of your thinking, rather than being like in your thinking. So things like meditation, or just like, doing something repetitively, will allow you to really be able to recognise your thoughts without judgement. So, like, for me, I, I like to paint and I mean, like walls, like it's really meditative
Paula Shepherd 37:51
for home, wow, like I am hiring you next time.
Marianne Smith 37:56
I love painting my friend and I just painted this house that I just moved into. And it's like, okay, I'm just gonna stand here, I got nothing else to do got nowhere else to be, I'm just gonna like, notice what comes up for me not judge it, let it go release it. It's mindfulness, Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction principles, and also adding in a huge dose of self compassion. Self Compassion is the magic bullet to like everything. In my humble opinion, because especially entrepreneurs, high performers super hard on themselves, we are very hard on ourselves. I am I hear that in you as well. It's just sort of part of it. So if you can notice those thoughts, and observe them, practice observing them, rather than getting kind of like, washed away by them, like Jon Kabat Zinn, I don't know if you know who he is he he teaches mindfulness and meditation is written some really great books. He says, You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf. So just learning how to ride the wave and observe and then giving yourself some grace and some compassion, that it's okay. Like, it's all going to be okay. And I don't know the full story there. And actually, it doesn't have anything to do with me.
Paula Shepherd 39:38
Yeah, I, you know, I think that the major theme here too, is our greatest competition becomes ourselves. Yeah. And so how do you ever win when you're competing with yourself? And you You never you never hit that last stage and what is going to be good enough? And so really defining like what does success look for? Like for me this week and really sticking to it and not continually moving the target, like moving the, you know, finish line, which I know, I used to do that a lot, I would Oh, the finish line. Yeah, you know, or I've only made this much money. And And why have I only made this much money this month, and then the story that most entrepreneurs tell themselves and I've been there is that I made this much, but what happens if I don't make that much or more next month? Or the month after? Yeah, I'm gonna have to let people go, I'm gonna have to do all of this myself. I, you know, how am I going to survive, I'm not going to be able to pay any of my bills, my credit is going to go to crap, what, like, what's going to happen here? And so we start going down that instead of going, Okay, what is most important here? What do I really need to look at? Is any of this true right now? Why am I concerned about that right now? What can I do in this moment?
Marianne Smith 40:56
Yes, mindfulness, yeah. Awareness.
Paula Shepherd 41:00
But it's taken a long time to do that, because it really is easy to get sucked into all of the societal standards, and how do I how do I keep up with each one of them so that I'm not a failure. And I think, you know, this goes back to you being be entrepreneurs therapist, I think it's really important to have a confidant. And you know, I'm trained as a certified life coach. And I think that for a long time, it didn't feel like people cared much about bettering their life, there was a lot around your business. And I think the work that you're doing, the conversations that you're having, and the conversation that we're having here, I hope brings to light to people, that some of the support that you need isn't more marketing and sales, it really is getting to know yourself better understanding your own habits and impulses, being able to be on a coaching call and just cry and be human and be heard and not to be forced to make a quick mindset shift. And just to like, release everything so that you can Quantum Leap tomorrow, but to like really know what it feels like to feel and be a person. And I think I know that you've recently kind of pivoted some of the work that you're doing to more heavily focus and solely focus on this. And I know how important it is. And I encourage anyone that's listening to make sure that you are focusing on yourself first. And sometimes self care doesn't self care may look like hiring someone like Marianne, right? Or hiring somebody that takes a holistic view of the in the coaching that they do and really cares about you as a person so that you don't feel like you have to show up and talk about your lunch, you can show up and talk about what's happening and how you're feeling right now. And how that is contributing to your feelings about not having a great launch or not being able to work. So Marianne, you're
Marianne Smith 42:59
not going to get that in, in business coaching, settings like group, it's
Paula Shepherd 43:08
just Oh, no, definitely not in a group setting. You know, I've definitely had conversations with my clients. But again, I'm trained a lot differently. But I think you have such a beautiful, you have so many tools, as a therapist, and you have the experience both as a therapist and as a coach. So you're seeing you're seeing people, meeting them where they are, but then also helping them to see the pathway to possibility and the possibility that they create for themselves, which is phenomenal. I think like the therapy and coaching partnership, and then to have it in one person is amazing. So I am so grateful to know you and to know that you are making such a huge impact in the world. You are such a badass when it comes to taking a stance on things and just being yourself. I know that's not always easy. And I know that you've said that there's definitely times that that's hard for you but I just I cannot say enough good things about you. And I really encourage everybody to check the show notes to go follow Marianne and and just see the good things that she's up to Maryanne any words of wisdom you want to leave us with today?
I was thinking about saying like three different things I now I forget them. Now I caught you off guard.
Marianne Smith 44:22
No, thank you so much. And I really feel the same way about you. And you know, it's after having spent 1000s Like, well over $150,000 On my own coaching. I can I never got this kind of support and I really needed it. And it really is 85 90% of the game. And you don't have to suffer in silence and you know We're all just human doing the best we can. And you know, even high performers have problems. And that's okay. Like high performers have problems. Yeah, we struggled to and we're not like superhuman, and that's okay. And I'd love to connect with anybody who has any questions or just wants to shoot me a message just to say hi. And I'd love that.
Paula Shepherd 45:32
And I appreciate that you are a top notch, like a person to have a relationship with. And I love that you care about people first and care about those relationships. So thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for supporting and providing some tips for us. Go follow Marianne and I will see you next week on another episode of The confidence sessions. Thank you for listening to this episode of the competent sessions. I know there are hundreds of 1000s of podcasts and I'm so grateful that you chose to spend your time today with me. Head on over to the courage blueprint.com forward slash podcast to check out the show notes from today's episode, and grab links to all the amazing goodies mentioned today. If you love this episode, as much as I love making it, make sure you don't miss out on any future ones by hitting the subscribe button right now. See you next time.