How Perfectionism Is Making You Inauthentic & What To Do About It!

You’re trying so hard to ensure your message is heard and received that you begin to dilute your voice. After years of being told to be nice.

Do you spend so long trying to be perfect that you are no longer authentic? You’re trying so hard to ensure your message is heard and received that you begin to dilute your voice. After years of being told to be nice, likeable and kind, how do you shift into your power as a leader? 

In this episode we chat about:

How we end up putting perfection over authenticity

How “crafting” your content is keeping you small

Why the “know, like and trust” factor is not working

How to shift back into authenticity

And so much more!


Timestamps:

(02:00) Why it’s difficult to shift to a heart-led business after leaving corporate.

(03:30) How you end up being inauthentic without intending to. 

(4:43) How perfectionism integrated with people pleasing keeps you on the spinning hamster wheel.

(05:30) How “crafting” your content is keeping you small.

(07:06) Why the “know, like and trust” factor is not working!

(08:50) How to shift into authenticity. Observe & take a break.

(10:20) How changing your physical state can change your mental state.  

Transcript:

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

authenticity, create, talk, feel, land, space, love, jogging, pleasing, authentic, people, work, realise, putting, write, single, energy, coming, lean, perfectionist

SPEAKERS

Paula Shepherd

Paula Shepherd  00:13

Hey, welcome to another episode of The Confidence sessions. I am so just over the moon excited to talk about this topic because it, it really hits so close to home for me. And, you know, I've had a lot of conversations. I feel like I say this every week. But you know, I had a lot of conversations this week about women that are doing things in their business, wondering how it's going to land, what people are going to think, trying to get a specific response from individuals, versus really just kind of coming from that very normal and natural energy. That is basically heart led versus head LED. And it's a difficult space to get out of when you are coming from a nine to five job, a corporate job, any of those types of things, it's very difficult to get out of because we have been taught very much to think in terms of procedure and think about through our, you know, with our heads and think about processes, and we lose a little bit of ourselves every time we do that. Now, why is this important? This is important, because there are people out there that like you who are heart centred very soul lead people who value and honour authenticity. 

Paula Shepherd  01:47

However, even the most well intentioned people show up in a way that is trying to please others. And marketing, particularly online on social media lends itself to doing what will land well, I know that through my own personal experiences, that when I do best in business, and I look at the data, it is always the time that I let go of what I thought I should be doing, and did what felt right and connected to me. Think about being in flow. So let me let me just give you a little example of what it looks like to not be authentic, even though you value authenticity and relationships, in what you're saying and your speech and your content in the way that you show up around people. And really being able to lean into being that same person in every place and every space that you occupy, whether it's your home, or your office, or your nine to five or with your team or in the grocery store, or at the PTA meeting for school. This is what what really authenticity does not look like it does not look like being in perfectionist mode. If you're in perfectionist mode. 

Paula Shepherd  03:29

There's a reason why, you know, you're not doing that to please yourself. There's a level of lack of self worth that comes into play there and wondering if it's going to be good enough, right. And so we want other people to like what we're doing. And so it's perfectionism, integrated with people pleasing, and it keeps us spinning. You know, it keeps us on that hamster wheel, or crafting content. So maybe you're crafting content around what you think other people like or what they'll comment on, or what they'll react to, or whether or not it's going to be so magnetic that they're going to come into your DMS or they're going to email you in response. And while all of these things are amazing, when you are putting yourself out there and you are creating something with the hope of that outcome being connected to being attached to that you're not being authentically you. Or even spending hours trying to get something right, whether it's creating a course and not really putting it out there or saying you'll see some things happening. I've done this all before. 

Paula Shepherd  04:51

And it's the reason why it's so easy for me to talk about it. When we spend all of this time trying to create Create, Create, get it right. Wondering if something will be well received wondering if it will land. And this is the biggie. This is the biggie, I'm going to explain why is the holding back what you really want to say because you care about what others are gonna think about you, or honestly, who are you gonna piss off. And we think about that we think about that end result of man, I really would love to say this right now. But if I said this, who's gonna come for me what trolls are gonna show up. And it's a lot about where we came from, when we were younger. So we're being told to be polite, and watch what you say. And I even catch myself saying this to my own children every now and then like, remember, you have to be polite. Remember, you have to do this. Remember, you have to do that. And at the same time, I'm coaching women around speaking up and saying what needs to be said and not holding back and doing it in a way that is Garner's them as a leader and, and is respected, right, versus just being well, like, I talk about the know, like, and trust factor, just like Chuck that out the window, please. Because I feel like when you aim to be well liked, you are not being authentic. 

Paula Shepherd  06:30

So it's about no trust and respect, right? Knowing that you are doing things from a space, that feels really good to you. And it's why this idea of magnetism doesn't work for everyone. It doesn't work for everyone, because they're forcing it. Have you ever tried to take two pieces of magnet and like kind of put them together but they weren't the the polarising magnets, and they actually repel each other. And that is actually what you are doing every single time you start to create something from a headspace of Will this be well received? Will it land for my client? When you're spending all of these hours, just working by yourself behind a screen and not ever putting anything out there? Right? And, and so that, that I hope is making a light bulb go off for you and say, Wow, I'm really not actually being as authentic as I thought I was being and what is the first thing that you can do to let go of some of that. 

Paula Shepherd  07:48

So here are some ideas that I have for you a couple of ideas that I would love to see you experiment with, and try to shift the way that you're putting yourself out there. Okay. So obviously, the first thing is, you need to be very observant. And this is this is the Oh, in the courage blueprint, right, is observing your own behaviours. So when you start to feel yourself doing these kinds of things, right, when you start to realise that you're writing a piece of content, and you're writing and rewriting and rewriting, or you're trying to write down all the notes before you do a live or record a video for YouTube, and you're just trying to get it right, you're trying to get it right, you're trying to get it right, that you note that that you write that down, that you recognise the fact that you're trying to do that, and what was happening before then what is happening, what you know what brought that about, I always like to look at not just that singular moment, but you know, what was the energy right before I started to feel like I had to push toward pleasing versus continuing to create. 

Paula Shepherd  09:04

The next thing that I want you to do is when you start to feel like you are aiming to please to get up and walk away. And this could be you know, jogging, I this is funny, but jogging around your kitchen island. I do this sometimes. And you know, just running around your kitchen island or go take a walk or just just state change your physical state so that you can change your mental state. It's incredibly important because the longer you sit there, the longer that you try to force something, the less of you that gets to shine through and everything that you do, and you're not going to get those people coming back to you. You're not going to get that those the people that you love to interact with the people that you desire to work with. With or to even be around in your life, they're not going to show up, because they're not going to feel your energy. Right coming through that. So those are my tips for you. 

Paula Shepherd  10:12

I hope that this is really helpful. I would love to know how this is working for you. Come join us in the I am becoming Facebook community. The link is in the show notes. We talk about all these things. There's some complimentary trainings in there. And I would love to be able to support you through this because, you know, authenticity is such a buzzword in the in the online space, particularly around coaching and consulting and entrepreneurship, but it's not a it's not an either or situation. It's something that you gradually have to lean into. And there's some letting go that and cutting of strings to allow you to do that. So I hope that I've been able to spark a little bit of weight of ways and things that you're doing right now that are truly inauthentic and help you create a space for you to begin letting go of those tendencies and stepping more into yourself as you show up in every single place and space that you occupy. I will see you next week.

Categories: Podcast, Authenticity, Leadership

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