“Here I Come” - Achieving Your Dreams for the Regular Person with Ruben Gonzalez

Paula Shepherd Author

Having the courage to start, the courage to endure and finding someone to follow is all you need to succeed shares 4 time Olympian, Ruben Gonzalez.

Everyone has the ability to achieve their dreams. Having the courage to start, the courage to endure and finding someone to follow is all you need! This week’s guest, 4 time Olympian, Ruben Gonzalez shares his journey from last one picked in PE to competing in the Olympics across 4 decades, climbing Mount Kilimanjaro and running with the bulls in Pamplona! He shares how important it is to find the right mentor, how visualization helped him to succeed in his sport and so many inspiring one liners!

In this episode we chat about:

Finding resilience & perseverance.

Letting go of control in order to succeed.

Ruben’s strategy of “follow the leader”.

How to find the right mentor.

How to correctly use visualization.

The importance of creating a culture in business.

And so much more!

Ruben Gonzalez is a common man who achieved extraordinary things. He wasn’t a gifted athlete. In school he was always the last kid picked to play sports. He didn’t take up the sport of luge until he was 21. Four years and a few broken bones later, Ruben was competing in the Calgary Winter Olympics. When he competed at the Vancouver Olympics at the age of 47, Ruben became the first person to ever compete in four Winter Olympics each in a different decade.

Since 2002 Ruben has spoken for over 100 of the Fortune 500 companies. He’s considered one of the top motivational and inspirational speakers in America. His bestselling books have sold over 300,000 copies and have been translated to over 10 languages.

His incredible story takes people’s excuses away and fills them with the belief and inspiration to face their challenges and fight for their goals and dreams.

Connect with Ruben!

TheLugeMan.com

https://www.facebook.com/thelugeman

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ruben-gonzalez-olympian/

& check out his Ted Talk FollowTheLeaderTEDTalk.com

Timestamps:

(02:18) Ruben shares his journey from “slow poke” to 4 time Olympian after learning resilience & perseverance from biographical books.

(06:37) Ruben’s strategy of “follow the leader” to let go of control and follow your goal in all sectors.

(14:34) How to find the right mentor.

(18:28) How Ruben learned visualization to create huge success. Feeling audiogram

(22:04) Ruben was drawn to the spirit of Olympic athletes, their resilience to learn their skills.

(23:30) “The Courage to Succeed”, Ruben’s first book. Courage to get started and to endure

(27:47) Moving away from numbers and finding the vehicle to your dreams.

(30:40) Why you need to slow down, to get better results.

(34:02) Creating the correct culture as a mentor and a leader.

(37:35) Ruben’s journey to the Ted Talk stage.

(41:57) Ruben’s parting questions to remind you of your dreams.

Transcript:

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

people, olympics, coach, leader, thought, mentor, ted talk, run, started, quit, ruben, kid, realised, climbed, feel, called, lose, life, dream, head

SPEAKERS

Ruben Gonzalez, Paula Shepherd

Paula Shepherd 00:01

Hi, I'm Paula shepherd. I went to college to get a good job and make a lot of money. Back then, no one talked about doing what you love. And while I successfully climbed the corporate ladder, I felt like there was something missing. So I left the seemingly comfortable corporate world at 40 years old for the freedom of full time entrepreneurship. Today, I get to help ambitious women go from entrepreneur to competent CEO of their lives and businesses. I created this podcast to share what I've learned with you to make your journey just a little easier, and to connect you with other incredible business owners who took a chance on themselves and who they are becoming. So whether you're just getting started, are all in or just when you hear friendly voice. Come on in and sit with us. Now, let's dive in. Welcome to this week's episode of the competence sessions. I have the most amazing guest with me today. Ruben Gonzalez. Now, Reuben is a common man who has achieved absolutely extraordinary things. He self proclaimed that he was not a gifted athlete, that he was always the last kid picked to play sports, that he didn't take up his sport of Lodz until he was 21. And yet, he has been in the Olympics four times in four different decades. Absolutely amazing human being. Reuben, welcome to the show.

Ruben Gonzalez 01:44

Oh, I'm excited to be here. Glad we got to connect.

Paula Shepherd 01:48

Me too. So we recently met on a recording of a show that I'm on called bookish. And I know that you have several books out there. But one of the most compelling pieces for me was your original TED Talk, where you're talking about going down the luge. And would you mind sharing that story, just a brief bit of your story with us about how you went from this not gifted athlete to the Olympics and having that experience giving that TED talk? Sure,

Ruben Gonzalez 02:19

I I'm not a great athlete. It's not false modesty. I'm a slowpoke, right, a lot of heart but no body kind of like Rudy. And always the last kid picked for PE which is really frustrating if you want to be in sports. When I was 10, I saw the Olympics on TV for the first time and I was hooked. I thought that's my adventure. That's what I want to do. But it was a pipe dream because because if you're not getting picked to play kickball, the Olympics kind of out there. And so I talked about it, but I didn't do anything. My dad got fed up got me to read biographies. He says you'll find the secret to success there, right? Clues. And what I kept seeing was perseverance. I saw a man successful people, they're just mature hard heads, they refuse to quit. And the good news was my mom always called me a hard head. So I thought maybe I have a little bit of what it takes. And so I started developing, I made a decision not to quit. And when I was 21, I'm watching the Sarajevo games on TV. I see the Olympics and I see Scott Hamilton win the gold medal. And when I saw him, everything changed. I thought of that little guy can win I can always play and we being the next ones no matter what. It's a done deal. Just got to find a sport. And so I lived in Houston, Texas, and hot, humid Houston. And I started looking for a sport and I thought I need to find a sport with a lot of broken bones maybe a lot of quitters and that ways my perseverance will stand out right my nickname in high school was Bulldog. And so I headed down to ski jump bobsled and luge and pick the luge went to Lake Placid and for years and a few broken bones later I'm in the Calgary Olympics and, and I got to compete by the skin on my teeth. Okay, on four games, I got to play with the big boys and in four different decades, and but the the interesting thing is my perseverance that hardheadedness kept me in the game long enough to learn the skills right and to refuse to quit while I was breaking bones. It hurt me on another another part. It made me too hard headed to where I wouldn't listen to coach, I would resist coach's advice. I would eventually do what he said. But that resistance held me back. And I fought coaches advice for three Olympics. And and then before my fourth one, I made a decision right I felt like I had my back to the wall. I was 47 before they the top 50 got to make it and that was the top 40 And it was around 45 all the time. So I thought you know if I'm gonna do it this time, I got to do something I've never done before. So I'm gonna do whatever he says right? In a way, and, and I did, and I was sliding better at 55 and 47 through 55 than I was when I was a kid. And what I realised was that by following the leader, right, by letting go, right, and it was that control, right, I was a bit of a control freak. Control, you know, is what the desire, the need for control is what, what keeps you from following the leader. But when you're in control, you feel safe. But being in control keeps you in your comfort zone, and you can't improve when you're in your comfort zone. And so when I realised that I had to let go, and then I can improve, everything changed, and I improved, I got better and better. And so at 55, I was sliding better than ever before became the oldest person to compete internationally in a sport of lose. And what I learned was that you don't lose yourself, when you follow a leader, right? Rather, you can become better than you ever were before. And so I'm trying to encourage people to do that, right? Because it was a lesson that took me a long time to learn, but it was boy, sure, it sure has some great benefits.

Paula Shepherd 06:08

So let's talk about that follow the leader, because there are definitely people that are listening, that are have been, and myself included rule followers, you know, always feel like we're kind of following people and don't really listen to our intuition. We're is that very natural mix between listening to your intuition, and not losing yourself to other people's rules and processes. But using those to enhance your experience?

Ruben Gonzalez 06:36

Great question. And it's not follow any leader. But my dad, when I was a kid, he used to always say, Ruben, if you have to cross a minefield, it probably makes sense to follow somebody's already crossed it, right? Preferably somebody that made it, right. And so he said, far, find someone that's already done what you want to do, somebody that has fruit on the tree, somebody that has results, not a theorist, right, somebody has actually done it. So you have to find the right leader, right, the leader has done what you want to do somebody you trust, and somebody has done it, and then you can let go because they they'll speed up the process. So you have to know what your dream is, right? Or what your goal is. And then you find that leader, and then you follow it, but not follow any leader because that could just send you astray.

Paula Shepherd 07:26

Right. And in your case, you know, hurling yourself down, I see loses, not following the leader sounds like it could be a life altering experience.

Ruben Gonzalez 07:38

You know, you're one of my first coaches used to say, Reuben, you are you you are half bulldog and half mule because you were so hard headed, right? And so he said, You You broke, I broke my foot twice my knee, my elbow, my hand, my thumb and a couple of ribs. And each of those was a different comeback. And he would say you didn't need to hurt yourself so much. You know, if you didn't just listen to me what, uh, you know, your your road to success would have been a lot easier. And it's true, you know, but took me a while to to let go. And it's funny, I would always look for the leader, right? I mean, I would always look for that leader. But then part of me held back. It's like, I wouldn't like you know, a woman let go. It's funny. And it was a control thing, I guess.

Paula Shepherd 08:30

So that worked. That worked for you in the Olympics. But for people who are listening that that are going well, I have no physical skill, or I have no desire to be in the Olympics, or I'm too old to be in the Olympics. But I have this other really big dream. I'm looking at the sign behind you that says Fight for your dream, which is really inspiring. But where where are other people applying this? How can they apply this to their dream of leaving their corporate job or getting that promotion or being a keynote speaker, we're other ways that people can apply this concept of follow the leader without having to want to be an Olympian.

Ruben Gonzalez 09:12

You can do it for anything. I used to sell copiers in Houston. And I was always number two and seem like I was always number two out of a group Mary always was caught was salesman or the other month. And so I started taking her up to Starbucks, right? And because successful people like talking about success, I thought hey, maybe she'll help me out maybe I can win one of these salesmen of the month. And I wanted a couple of times and so I tell salespeople when I speak in a sales sales kickoff, which I do many you know, when you go to the sales banquet, the awards banquet Look who's winning all the all the trophies, that's the person you want to hang around with. You want to hang around the people that are better at you know, complaining and whining at the watercooler because that the successful person that can be your mentor when I started speaking professionally. After about three months, I realised, yeah, I can tell some stories, but I don't know how to build. I don't know the business side of this. And so I found a guy who's this who's obsessed, successful speaker for 12 years. And I asked him to be my mentor. And we met about once a month, I buy him lunch, and he, you know, he, he had me bring a list of questions. He says, You got me for 60 minutes. Ask me whatever you want. At the end. I'm gonna give you some homework. If we ever meet, you haven't done last month homework, we're done. Okay? Because I want action people. And that's what a mentor wants. They want somebody that's actually going to apply. So I followed him. I wanted to ever since I was a kid, I wanted to run with the bulls in Spain. And I read a lot of Hemingway. He put all these ideas in my head. So before I went to Spain, I read three books about Pamplona, Pamplona, Spain, I actually called one of the authors who'd run it for about 30 years now told them, hey, I need some coaching. I want the Pamplona experience, but I don't I don't want the extra holes in my body, you know? He says, Okay, well, it's up to a quarter mile. Don't get in the beginning, don't go at the at the beginning, because it's too narrow. There, the bulls are too fresh, you'll die. That's it. Okay, got it. Don't go at the end where you enter the Bull Ring, because it's really narrow there too. And you'll get squashed, you get great. Don't go into that there's this curve right in the middle, where all the bulls smash into the wall, don't go there. Because you know, you. Okay, well, what do I stand, he goes, Well, you go 50 yards past the curve on the right hand side. And most of the time, no guarantees, but most of the time, they'll come by your left side, you know, on the left side, and, you know, just by you, and you'll get the experience. And he says, But what sometimes? No, you never know, right? There's no guarantees. He said, If you fall down, stay down there because they're short sighted. And so stay down, they'll hop over you because I think you're a boulder. If you stand up power, we're gonna get you if you he said you everybody's got the bandana and all dressed in red and white. And then the red sash. Just don't double, not the sash. If you catch a horn, then you can be hitting your head on the cobblestones the whole way down. And that's the worst way to say see Spain, and watch out for the drugs, right? Because everybody out there is drunk. It's liquid courage out there. Number one, don't drink, get a good night's sleep. And watch out for the drugs. If anybody touches you, man, just give yourself space because they'll grab you and use you for a shield. So I never would have thought of these things. And so I follow the leader and I get got to run with the bulls twice and no extra holes right? When I wanted to climb I'm looking this way because I've got my over. There's all my Pamplona, pictures. Here's all my Kilimanjaro. I climbed Kilimanjaro a few years ago, I hired a a guide who had climbed it about 100 times he climbed Mount Everest. I just thought, I'm not a mountain climber. I'm a mountain guide follower. Okay, I stepped on his footsteps for five days, all the way to the top of Africa. And he gave me tips. And he told me, you know when to rest when he helped me manage my strength, and we made it I never would have made it without him. I barely made it with him. And so everything I do, I've gotten to the point where I won't do anything without following the leader, because it saves me time.

Paula Shepherd 13:12

Wow. Well, first of all, I'm really impressed that you have done all of those things, because most people won't do one of those things in their lifetime. And not even just climbing Mount Kilimanjaro or being in the Olympics. But most people won't even do that one thing that's small in comparison to what you just described. But that would make a big impact in their life simply by one taking the risk, having the courage, getting curious and then hiring somebody or having a mentor in some way to help guide them. I'm just I just feel like you have for no pun intended, taking the bull by the horns, and made made your life crafted your life in the way that you wanted it. You're saying yes to yourself in so many ways, but not I say yes to myself to meet this goal by myself without asking for help, which is huge. That's huge. So how did you go about finding the right mentors because they're not all created equal? If someone is really wanting to go for it and reach a particular goal, no matter what that is? What what characteristics should they be looking for and a coach or a mentor or guide?

Ruben Gonzalez 14:33

You have such great questions. I'm kudos to you because most post podcasters don't ask half as many good questions as you do. Thank you. There, you know, like you said, every mentor there they're not all created equal. Right? Yeah. It has to be somebody that you gel with somebody that you trust somebody you're willing to, you know, follow wholeheartedly, and it's funny my my first blue Which coach, he was from Ukraine, Dimitri, and he was the US National, junior national team. So he was kind of like a youth pastor and at a church, you know, happy guy and keep them in the game and let's have fun. He was the perfect coach to learn right? And to, to get you through that, that learning curve. Then my next coach, he got me. Dmitry got me to the first Olympics. Then my next coach was this Australian guy who His name is Gunter, Gunter. Lemmer, three time world champion in the doubles lose. And this guy, it was like Michael Jordan teaching you how to play basketball. But he was a technician. He understood the sport. But he understood it's too well, right. It was almost like he spoke at a higher level, it was harder to understand him. And there really wasn't a good Kinect, and I wasn't, I was with him for the next couple of Olympics. And then my last Olympics. My main coach was Jonathan Edwards, Jonathan had competed in the for the US and Lillehammer got fourth place in the doubles. The neat thing about Jonathan is he knows how the mind works. Okay, he's a voracious reader, like, like I am. So we connect there. We're both into business into marketing, but he knows how the mind so he can get in my head. And he would ask me questions that would that would get me to come up with an answer that would help me for example. Right before the Salt Lake City Olympics couple of years before, he says Ruben, I can't believe you're still scared even slightly for 25 years, what's going on your head, you know, when you're sliding, that total man is obviously those walls going faster and faster and get tighter and tighter. I can't believe anyone steered the bottom of the tracks by they don't stuff like a board. And he says you're focusing on the wrong thing, man loses and about speed, it's about who has the best time. So stop looking at those wolves. They're just scanning. Pretend you have blinders, right, like a horse, and focus on a spot 30 feet in front of you. And just focus on Think about what you need to do in every section of every every curve to ensure you'll have the best time, okay? And if you've if you change your focus, then the fear will disappear. And I trust I trusted him. And that night, I did about 100. Mine runs visualisation routes, with blinders on just focusing on my driving. And the next day, on my next run, the fear disappeared. I mean, it didn't reduce in intensity, it just disappeared. Right, changing the focus changed the whole experience. And so, before Gunther, the the Austrian coach who had, you know, world champion, at the end of every run, he would say, Ruben, you must relax, you must relax. But he never taught me how to relax, right? Well, well, Jonathan, in one day, he helped me through that and helped me relax a lot. So the fear could go away. And that crazy,

Paula Shepherd 17:51

you've had something different, right? You change your focus to something different, which allowed you to I don't want to say put your blinders on, you said put your blinders blinders on and visualise, but you were able to let go of that fear, essentially, because your focus had shifted. But what I'm most curious about is this visualisation process. Because just like so many people say, just take a deep breath and relax or, you know, you need to learn how to do this thing. How do you go about visualising? What does that process look like for you?

Ruben Gonzalez 18:27

The term visualisation is what messes people up, okay? Because they start thinking, Okay, does it have to be 3d? Does it have to be in colour? Is it first person, third person? And by the way, well, we're still we're doing a mind run, which is called mind runs. I'm seeing what my eyes would be seeing. I'm not seeing it. Like, I wouldn't be seeing it on TV, right? And so it's first person view, right, I'm looking down on a body and sliding and take and using my whole body to, to follow the form of the curves and just feel the pressure. And so but it's, it's a lot less about what you see you what you really want to capture is the feeling okay? It's what you feel. And the easiest example for people that get is when when, when most kids were a little kid at least guys when they were a little kid and there they'd be particular in the in the playground, you know, with a basketball and says, Okay, there's two seconds left, he shoots he scores. That's visualisation, that kid's ready to go play in the NBA because his whole body's tingling, and he's Excel. That's what that's what you want to do. You want to capture what's going to feel when you finally reach your goal, whether your goal is get that new job, or start a new business or make salesperson of the month or whatever it is. What's it going to feel like? What's it going to taste like? What's it gonna smell like? You capture that? Look out you start believing because your mind can't tell the difference between something you vividly imagined with all your heart and all your soul, all your senses and stuff that's actually happening. got to really get into it and you just can't do it halfway. Right?

Paula Shepherd 20:03

So just your mind is what I hear you saying we have to tap into your hole.

Ruben Gonzalez 20:08

Yeah. And and it's funny when we Oh no, it's not funny, it's just interesting.

Ruben Gonzalez 20:16

Before I'm going to take a lose run, whether it's a training run or a race run, the last 10 minutes, you're taking a few runs in your mind. And you're, you're visualising the perfect run, because you want to get yourself into that groove. But back at the hotel, we also visualise escape routes. What am I going to do if I'm a little early into current one? How am I going to fix it? What about if I'm a little late in the curb one? What if I hit the left wall? What am I hit the right wall. And we do that for every curve for every section of the of the track so that we have contingency plans, right and that and you get to the point that that gives you that it gives you confidence because you know that you can handle anything that can happen out there. You got you got you got your way out. And so that's important. You can't just you know, be Pollyanna, everything's gonna be fine. And I can do this, I'm gonna win the gold medal, and then you go crash and burn. No, you got to be able to fix things when, when they don't turn up.

Paula Shepherd 21:10

Wow, I I'm literally I'm so impressed by your courage. And also, I'll just call it your spunk, because I just think that's what it is. It really is. It is just like this desire to know that you're going to try and you might fail. But that failure is your impetus to get up and try again. Because you've broken all of these bones. You've taken all of these chances. And yet they didn't always turn out perfectly. You didn't. You know, it wasn't like you were going to the Olympics and winning the gold medal. And then everybody was celebrating you and you were on a box of Wheaties it was like there there was something so much deeper than that for you. What was it about the Olympics? Why the Olympics because you were going for some reason. But what was it? What What was that for you in your mind?

Ruben Gonzalez 22:01

When I first saw the Olympics as a 10 year old, what drew me to the Olympics, to those athletes, it wasn't their athleticism, believe it or not, it was their spirit, right? Because right away, I realised this is a group of people that they're willing to train for years and years and years with no guarantees of success. And then some of them make I thought you got to be so strong inside the put yourself through that. So I want to be had him up on a pedestal. But I want to be there when my heroes, I want to be one of those guys. For me, it was never about the metal, I just be flexible and be one of those guys, I want to be one I want to be that in that team, in that group of people. And my kids when it when we raise our kids, ever since they were little, I've always told them, everything's hard in the beginning, okay, everything's hard in the beginning, because you don't have any skills. So life's gonna knock you down, you're gonna have bloody knees, because you know what you're gonna pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back in the game. Because that's what we do around here. We're Bulldogs we're not to wawas, okay, and so, so they know that that's the process of processes is going to be tough, but I won't be tougher, I'm gonna stay in the game long enough to learn the skills. And then once I have the skills, I can use those skills to reach the goal or the dream. But you got to stay in the game. If you hop around from one thing to the other the whole time, you're always in the beginner stage. That's not a good place to be. So stay stay in the game, my first book, the courage to succeed. The reason I gave it that name, right? It's not my courage to succeed, okay, it's the courage to succeed. You got to have two types of courage, gotta have the courage to get started. And like I just said, everything's hard at the beginning, right? And then you got to have the courage to endure to not quit. If you have those two curves to get started personal quit, then you can reach your dream. The courage to get started comes from believing it's possible if you believe as possible, hey, I'll give it a shot, right? The Christian quit that comes from your desire, you want something badly enough, ain't nothing gonna make you quit. Well, I always had the desire, but I didn't have the belief. But when I saw Scott Hamilton, he gave me the belief. I just got to meet him a couple of weeks ago, by the way, I spoken in Nashville where he lives and we got to hang out together for a couple hours at a coffee shop and it was great you know, and great guy. T shirt and jeans kind of guy you know, just regular guy. I love that he's not a prima donna like some people are. And so he inspired me. He gave me you know, he made me think I can do it if he can if he can when I can at least play and now he's ready to take action. So get you got to have the courage to get started crushing that quit. Follow that mentor and, and you can do great things. You can do great things. Just find that, you know, see. You know that mentor that told you about when I started speaking professionally The first time I meet this guy, he's a big old tall mean guy just like my my Australian coach, right? I'm such a hard hit that a lot of my coaches are big, big tough guys. Right? And Jim, Jim, the first time we sit down for our first meeting, he says, I don't care if you're a 10 time Olympian, unless you write a book, no one's gonna take you seriously. Because an author's deserve the authority of His subject. He wrote the book on, he's going on and on about it. I thought, This guy must have a publishing company or something, right? And I said, Look, I can't write a book, I made season English. And he says, You got a great story, you write it down, we give it to some ace students, they cleaned it up for you that just grammar. I thought, oh, my gosh, I didn't think about that. Because yeah, it's called editing. So shut up and sit down, and we just beat me around. That's how he showed me the speaking business. But that's the beauty of the coach. See, that's the beauty of the mentor. You have all these doubts, all of these reasons that, you know, logical reasons why you wait, you can't do this. And he says, no piece of cake, do this, this and this, because they've been through the minefield.

Paula Shepherd 26:05

So not only did you have the courage to get started, because you had that coach, or those coaches in so many different areas of your life, you were able to sustain that there was someone there helping hold you accountable. Because I imagine that there probably were moments during your journey that you doubted yourself. Would you agree with that?

Ruben Gonzalez 26:27

Yeah, yeah. Yes. And both in the luge, and in I remember the last day of Kili. The last day of Kilimanjaro was 18 hours of climbing, and I miss managed my water. So I was really hurting up at the top and up there, it's about half the oxygen that you have at sea level. I hadn't even trained for it. And I never would have made it without Coach. I mean, he was pushing and he was you know, encouraging. But yeah, I would have quit on myself, if I hadn't had I rely on them to help me, you know, get there. You can. There's more strength than in a team and just one person.

Paula Shepherd 27:10

When you're talking to people in terms of sales, right, and you're telling your stories, and they're starting to apply those. There's always this, especially when we're talking about entrepreneurial spirit, and this level of competition that people have, I think more with themselves than they do with others when you're high achieving. How do you inspire them to continue? How does the leader mentor inspire them to continue their journey and not just, you know, not sprint to the finish line and think, Well, it didn't work that time, I'm going to jump to the next thing.

Ruben Gonzalez 27:47

Rather than focusing on the numbers, okay, you got to get your sales got to hit your numbers right now, because that's all about them. You have to maybe Bob, he, his his dream is just to take his, his his parents on a cruise on a cruise trip, right? And so he says, Man, if we if you hit your numbers, this time, you realise that bonus, you'll be able to take your parents on that cruise trip, and he'll go out and to the to the travel agencies and bike, you know, brochures or bringing brochures and showing them to Bob, and he's talking about the dream. Okay, Mary, Mary wants to go to Mexico to be able to, you know, visit her parents and, and he wants to be able to send extra money every month to her parents in Mexico. Or, you know, Jane, you know, got a little kid and they want to get the braces. Okay, man, come on. Let's let me help you. How can I help you hit that mark? That was we can take care of those braces. Come on. Let's let's fix your kids. See? So now it's your you become as a manager become somebody that cares about what's important to them. Right? And he's showing them how the job is a vehicle to reaching their dreams. I didn't like the luge, okay, for 25 years, I didn't like it. I white knuckled it, I hated it. I was killing myself out there. But I realised that the lose was the vehicle is going to help me reach my Olympic dream, ping pong winning and do it Okay, basketball, we're going to do it soccer. We're going to do it because I wasn't good enough of that. But with illusion, I had a shot. And so I realised that I'm not going to focus on I don't like to lose, I'm going to focus on how exciting is going to be at the opening ceremonies. So you focus on the dream, because the dream gives you energy and strength and power, everything you need to bust through those, those, those obstacles. So that's what the sales manager needs to do with his people, right, individually know them, and that way they understand that he or she cares. It's not just about the numbers.

Paula Shepherd 29:46

So that mentor that coach, that manager really has this responsibility to set, create and maintain a culture and good managers, good leaders. Good morning mentors are doing that and really feel focused on you as a person and not bringing you along with the herd. That's what I kind of heard you say. And I think that those are really important these days where that quick fix that instant gratification and our short attended attention spans are almost damaging the ability to do the things that you are demonstrating are very, very possible, which is finding the thing that you want, focusing on doing it at all costs. And knowing that it's possible, when you ask for help, and you follow the leader.

Ruben Gonzalez 30:39

Yeah, yeah. And a lot of times what, what I was thinking when you were saying that was many times fast is slow. And slow is fast, right? You got to slow down. Right? And, you know, and you'll get better results. My first job in high school was Chick fil A, I worked at Chick fil A number 85. Okay, I mean, this is a long time ago. They didn't have them. Freestanding, they were in malls, and our Chick fil A had a lousy location in the corner of a slow Mall. Upstairs, no traffic, nobody. People walk up the stairs. Oh, I have a Chick fil A, or I have a Chick fil A, they didn't know how to say it. Well, our manager, he was a gung ho guy. He made it fun. He cared about us. He, he talked to me about soccer. He talked about Craig about bodybuilding because Craig was a muscle guy. He, he he was individuals, right? He talked about what we cared about. We had almost zero turnover in three years in fast food. 40 years over 40 years ago, we all still keep in touch, even with our manager. After a after three years, Chick fil A figured out he's too good to be running one store. And they made him VP of training. So you could train other operators. And they brought into this other manager who was super lame. And within six months, we all quit because it wasn't good enough anymore. Right? The culture wasn't there anymore. And so what I learned is that leadership starts from the top, the leader needs to create that culture, right, that's conducive to success for everybody. And in Yeah, it's, it's a position of, of honour, right? You have to, you have to be, you have to be proud, right? That you have the responsibility to create this, this, this, this environment conducive to success, right. And so don't don't take it lightly, you have to know and what happens a lot of times, unfortunately, this is very common in sales. Let's say Linda, who was a sales manager, she she quits. And now Mary, who is a top salesperson, she becomes a new sales manager, well, Mary's an awesome salesperson, but she's not a good manager, she doesn't have good managing skills, he doesn't understand that. And now they lost their top salesperson, and they have a mediocre manager. And now everybody's, you know, doing worse. So you have to be very careful about that you have to you can't just promote the top salesperson to manager if they're not, if that's not their skill set.

Paula Shepherd 33:23

Yeah, it's like looking at taking it from a holistic approach, and really looking at all the pieces and parts of the person and whether or not they're in a position to be able to lead people in that way. And I think you wound up with quite a few coaches and mentors along your way in your journey that really were the right fit. Not not to call anybody out by name. But do you feel like there are people that you came across in your path that allowed you to see, maybe they weren't the right fit? They didn't create the right culture? They didn't support you in the way that you needed best?

Ruben Gonzalez 34:00

Yeah, yeah. And when that happens, you just want to quit and do a different job. Right. Let me tell you about another one. That was really good. Okay. When I was training for the Vancouver Olympics, that was 2010. That was my last one. One of the races is going to be a little a hammer, and I never raced there before. So about a month before I went there for a week to just to take a few runs to you know, learn the track and coming out a curve 13 in Lillehammer, it's like an optical illusion looks like you're gonna hit the wall, even though you come out of 13 perfectly, and it looks like you're gonna hit the wall. And it was I would get scared, and I just Twitch, and that was enough to put me into skid. And I was able to fix a skid before 14 But by then I'd lost so much time that, you know, if I did that on the race, I wouldn't get enough points and I wouldn't get to go to the Olympics. And so when I came back to Houston, I called don don Akers is a friend of mine who's almost like a sports psychiatrist. Kind of Yeah. And I told him what was happening. He says, Oh, just bring your sled over to my, to my house, we'll figure that out. So we laid the sled on his, in his office, and he says, just lay down and take a run. And I want I'm gonna ask you the same thing about probably about 20 times, okay? Different ways because I'm, I don't know what's gonna get your subconscious to give me the answer. So bear with me. So he kept asking me what's it feel like? What are you thinking? We coming out of 13? We kept doing it. Okay, why don't you just instead of starting from the top, just start from curve 10. And we do it and finally I said, Here it comes. This is what it is. Here it comes. He goes that said, man, here it comes. You're being totally reactive, man. You gotta say, Here I come, you're gonna stick it to the track, not the other way around. Okay, so your new mantra is here I come. Here I come. So I wrote it on the cowling of my sled. What's the last thing I see? Before every run, when I'm looking down, it says, you know, smile, breathe, relax. Here I come. Have fun. And I had it on my, on my, on my steering wheel, my bookmarks everywhere. Here, I come here, come here come that became my mantra. When I went back to Lillehammer a couple weeks later, piece of cake just went right through. It was just a little bit of luck. It changed,

Paula Shepherd 36:17

it shifted your perception, it really did flip the switch of like who's in charge here?

Ruben Gonzalez 36:22

Yeah. And that crazy, though, I mean a little thing. And it takes somebody like that and understands the mind to zero in on.

Paula Shepherd 36:31

You just really interrupted that whole pattern of behaviour that you had, and it just changed everything for you. Absolutely everything.

Ruben Gonzalez 36:39

So small things make a lot of a big difference. All right, one of my coaches used to say, little hinges open and close big doors, right. And so you have to focus on the little things, you know, you have focus on everything.

Paula Shepherd 36:54

So we've talked a lot about your follow the leader. And I want to circle back around to something that you mentioned right at the beginning, that we really have covered during the course of this interview, but didn't specifically call out and that is your TED Talk. On follow the leader. Tell tell, can you tell me a little bit about it. Tell us about it. I've actually seen it. So I don't want to spoil it. We've seen it. It's so good. But and so if anybody's watching, you definitely want to go watch it. But tell me what, like what inspired you to want to to have this TED talk come to life.

Ruben Gonzalez 37:35

It just kind of happened i i had spoken for, for Lady a couple years ago. And then she started a TED, a TED talk here in Colorado Springs. And she she approached me he says once you apply, okay, I'd love you to do a talk for me. And so there were 120 applications, and they were going to take 12 people because I can get you through the first round. But eventually it's you know, to the committee, but I made the cut. And I practice like crazy because it's it's different, right? It's got to be tighter, and you have to memorise it, and you got to stay on that darn red dot. I like to move around. But, but but I am. And I got coaching, too. I mean, I've been speaking professionally for 20 years, but they said, Hey, we got a couple of coaches, and I jumped on the opportunity, right? Because, you know, I thought, hey, maybe they can help me. And they did. And they gave me some tips that really helped me, you know, Hone on that make that talk. Really good. So, alright, so I actually have a bar URL is called Follow leader TED Talk, follow the leader, Ted talk.com. And that'll point right to it. So you can check it out there. If you like it, you know, just leave a nice comment. That'd be that'd be great. Because it helps. You know, all that stuff helps. But yeah, I'm glad I did. I don't know that I'm gonna do another one. It was so much work. I would practice in the shower. Okay. For the last three months, I would walk into the shower and say my talk, and I don't think I've ever been so clean in my life. But even after the talk, I gotten so conditioned to do that. And I'll go in the shower. I started telling the top No, I don't have to do this anymore. So

Paula Shepherd 39:17

but oh my gosh, you. You keynote speak and the TED Talk for you felt much more difficult than doing a keynote.

Ruben Gonzalez 39:25

Yeah, Keynote is for me. It's easier because I speak from the heart. But my keynotes are very similar to what you've been seeing here. And so I always find out from from the meeting planner, you know, what's the theme of your event? What's your goal? What do you want your people thinking or doing afterwards? And what's the challenge, right, what's holding them back? Because I had overcome a bunch of challenges. If I know those three things, then I can, I can work it into the talk and it just it's like jazz, right it just in the middle of the talk. If I feel that I have to shift gears I'll shift gears right. And so it's very, what I hear the most afterward Just being you're so real, you're so genuine. And I laugh. It was just easier for me that way. But the TED talk is, is classical music stay on the beat? Right? It's totally. Yeah, totally different. Right. So I'm glad I did it, though. It's, it's already, it turned out to be. It's turning out to be good for the business because I'm already getting speaking engagements from people that have seen it really liked it. So it was.

Paula Shepherd 40:29

So it was really one of the most fun TED talks I think I've ever watched. And I, you know, I don't say that lightly, because sometimes you watch and people are very, very rigid, and there's so much of your personality in it. So I had no idea that you had to stand on a red dot because you do use your hands to speak. And I can see the look on your face, I can feel like you make me feel I'm getting goosebumps right now even thinking about like watching it. Because you aren't just speaking you. That's this, like whole experience that you get when you watch your follow the leader TED Talk about being on the luge, and it almost feels like we're there on the ride with you. So I will make sure that we include all the links, so that people can go check that out. It's short and sweet, but really, really profound. And I know that it will inspire people to take really great action, even if that action isn't trying to be on allusions in the Olympics. So as we kind of close here, Ruben, and I could talk to you for hours, because you are vibrant, like I said, and your storytelling is absolutely incredible. But what are maybe two to three points that you would leave us with in terms of people who maybe are afraid to be take that first courageous step, what would be those first couple of things that you would recommend to them to start today?

Ruben Gonzalez 41:57

You know, one thing that my main goal, whenever I speak to an audience is I want them walking out thinking if that guy can go to the Olympics, even one time we can do anything, right? I want to be there, Scott Hamilton, right? I want to, you know, give him that hope and that spark. And so many times after a talk, people will come up to me, and I'll ask him, What if you don't even know what your dream is? And I tell him, what was your dream when you were 10 or 12 years old, Okay, that'll you know, maybe you want to be a basketball player, right, and you're you're five feet tall and 200 pounds and, and 65 years old, probably won't happen. But maybe you can do something with basketball, maybe you can be the coach in your in your church team, maybe you can sell basketballs, maybe you can, you know, help promote your local team, whatever, right coach at your YMCA. So think about what you wanted to do when you were a kid. And that will lead you to an industry. And that way you can make your life an adventure.

Paula Shepherd 42:58

If I would have taken that advice, when I was young, I would be doing exactly what I am right now. So it is so so very true. And oftentimes I feel as though sis, we allow society to permeate our brains and tell us what we're supposed to do. You're supposed to do this, and you're supposed to go to college, and then you got to get this degree and then you got to get this good job. And then you get paid every two weeks. But what happens when you we can think with that childlike mentality. And that imagination that you were talking about earlier of that kiddo being on the basketball court imagining hitting that, you know, three points throw and that excitement that they feel and that is what you bring people back to I'm just really honoured to have had you on the podcast today. And I'm really honoured to share you with my audience. And, and just to know that there are people that are genuine and authentic, no matter how much those are buzzwords right now, but that you really, really are a person that cares about other people taking these chances. It's not just about you, sharing your story and getting people excited, but really, truly inspiring them to action. So thank you for being that person. And thank you for being here today.

Ruben Gonzalez 44:08

Thanks. Thank you.

Paula Shepherd 44:10

All right. So connect with Rubin by all the links in the show notes. And be sure to watch his TED talk, you will not be disappointed. I will see you all next week on another episode of The confidence sessions. Thank you for listening to this episode of the competence session. I know there are hundreds of 1000s of podcasts. And I'm so grateful that you chose to spend your time today with me. Head on over to be fearless with paula.com forward slash podcast to check out the show notes from today's episode and grab links to all the amazing goodies mentioned today. Also, if you love this episode, as much as I loved making it, make sure you don't miss any future. ones by hitting the subscribe button right now see you next time